Thankful

With it being Thanksgiving, it seems appropriate to write about the things I'm thankful for this year. Yet while my heart is overflowing with thanks for so many things, I'm still finding it difficult to share those with the world.

Don't get me wrong, this has been a year of great abundance. After all, my husband and I were married within the last year! We moved into a new apartment, and we're learning to live together and making a happy home. We rejoiced over the births of our first niece and our second nephew. I had a health scare that opened my eyes to the fragility of our lives, but I witnessed prayers being answered as tests came back negative for cancer.

But this year has also been unexpectedly hard. This November marks three years since my eyes were first opened to Christ, and it marks the end of the most transformative year I've experienced since my baptism. That transformation has been hard earned and poorly received. I was pushed away by friends over the last twelve months, who tired of my growing faith. I ducked my head and tried as hard as I could to shut out the noise as people around me sneered through the election season and made nasty comments about Christians. I've been judged and chided by people who hardly know me, simply for believing in God.

Despite the many blessings of the last year, I've carried a deep, aching sorrow for months. I've been too afraid to show it to the world, instead tucking it in close to my heart. I've lost trust in my friends and family and learned to keep silent my true thoughts and feelings, all because I feared further rejection. 

In the depths of these trials, I found a faith I didn't know I had. I learned to lean on God and to share my heart with him, because I found it to be the only safe place I could turn. In His hands I feel myself turning the corner, however slowly, to cast off this burden of sorrow. I'm thankful for many things this Thanksgiving, but most of all I'm thankful for His love and strength that has carried me through these hard times.

Listening

I really love Romans 12:12. I've been reminded recently how important it is to be constant in prayer, and I've been working toward that goal on a daily basis. I've found that simple acts such as changing the music that I listen to in my car and at work have helped encourage me; by listening to music that glorifies God instead of music that builds up worldly things, I've been able to remain focused on Christ and the things he loves. When my mind and heart are constantly reminded of God's will and his kingdom, I've found it easy to be constant in prayer. I've even been surprised by how much I've absorbed simply by letting this music play in the background!

I was driving back to work after lunch today when I caught David Crowder Band's How He Loves on the radio. I especially love the opening lyrics, "He is jealous for me." I'm always struck by this line, and it warms my heart each time I hear it.

I've been rejoicing in this truth all evening. He is jealous for us! He loves us with an awesome love. Despite our current trials and tribulations, we can have hope for the coming of his kingdom and for our futures with him... I'm always amazed by those thoughts, and I hope to pass them along to you as a reminder.

ABCs of Being a Helpmeet

I've posted on this topic at a blog I use to keep, but I love the material so much that I'm going to repost it here in my new space!

I absolutely can't take credit for the content of this post. I was browsing the internet one evening, looking for new blogs to add to my ever-growing collection, and I stumbled across this page from HsKubes Haven at Home. On it, she has provided a copy of the "ABCs of Being a Helpmeet" which she cites to a bulletin board at Heart4Home.

I understand her desire to share this list. These ABCs are a great tool, being both simple and memorable, just like Proverbs 31:10-31! Both are a sort of "acrostic poem" wherein the first letter of each line starts with the next letter of the alphabet (perhaps not obviously; Proverbs 31 follows the Hebrew alphabet). The advice provided by the ABCs is straightforward, and a few are even cheeky.

I'm glad that I found this early in our marriage. I'm terrible at memorization, but I think this is a list I could someday learn by heart!

 

I've turned the ABCs into two "word art" style 8x10 inch prints. Feel free to download, print and share with friends! Please just attribute the images to this blog post so that others can read up about how I heard about them in the first place.

Preparedness

As the summer has ended and autumn is in full swing, I thought it would be a good time to talk about seasons. Christian life is often spoken of as having seasons; a season where we are closer to God, or sometimes one where we feel further from Him.

This summer was certainly a season for me. I often felt as though I was in a rut, having a hard time finding ways to serve the Lord. One afternoon, as I was reaching to explain the feeling to my husband, I finally struck upon the word I was looking for -- preparedness. It was that moment when I realized that I may not have been prepared enough to take on the Lord's work.

Imagine you were going to your kitchen to prepare dinner. You take out the vegetables and the cutting board and set everything in place. Finally, you turn to your knife block and select a tool -- but do you choose a dull knife, or a sharp one?

I realized that the Lord hadn't stopped doing his work, but that I may not have been "sharp" enough to be of use to him. I decided to dedicate the summer to preparedness, returning to scripture and the community of other believers to help hone myself. Verses such as Proverbs 24:27 helped remind me how important readiness is in our walk with Christ, for how can we share wisdom with those around us if we haven't received it ourselves?

The summer is over and just as I can see the seasons changing around me, I feel them changing within. I feel ready to do the work that God will set before me, and I'm excited for what the future will hold.  If you feel like your opportunities to serve have been limited, please see this as encouragement to consider your own preparedness! I promise that your efforts will not go to waste.

Homecoming

I mentioned in my last post that I had experienced a revelation during my undergraduate studies, and as a result I wound up changing my major. That decision had tacked a full year onto my college career as I played catch up with others in the biological sciences, but I enjoyed every moment of it and never looked back. The story goes stagnant for a few years, but it picks up again during my final semester...

For Thanksgiving break, I planned a trip out to Seattle, Washington. As the date of my trip arrived, I did all of the mundane things we do to prepare: I packed my bags, finished my classwork, and made sure to get a great night's sleep. I had even woken up a bit early the day of my departure, and I had time to go to the bookstore to look for something to read during the long flight.

It takes about eight hours to fly from Fort Myers, Florida to Seattle, Washington. I know that because I tend not to enjoy flying, and that trip is the longest continuous flight I've taken thus far in my life. Reading is the one thing that helps calm my nerves during take-off and landing, so this was a very important part of my preparation.

I still don't know what led me to do it, but on my way to the bookstore I called a new friend I had made. He was a junior in the chemistry department and by chance we wound up taking two classes together that semester, yet I had never seen him before despite his giant "fro" of curly black hair that made him easily identifiable in any crowd. He was friendly, bright, talkative and, curiously, a Christian.

He answered my call and, being flippant, I asked him what sort of book I ought to bring on my flight. I waited for him to suggest the Bible (Hah! I had him now...) when instead he suggested a book by C.S. Lewis called "Mere Christianity". What? C.S. Lewis? My mind reeled a little as I lifted the book from the shelf. I liked Lewis... and the book seemed unassuming, the title amusing, so I added it to the Nabokov I had picked up and headed for the checkout.

It takes eight hours to get from Fort Myers to Seattle. It takes eight hours to read Mere Christianity from cover to cover, twice, if you're a quick read and you're motivated enough.

I got off the plane in a daze, distracted from the excitement of being in Seattle by thoughts of the book I just consumed. I remember sending a text to my friend, asking why he'd do such a terrible thing as to suggest this book when I'd have to wait a week (a week!) before I could get home and talk to him about it.

Needless to say I survived the week, trying as hard as I could to put the book out of mind. As soon as I got home my friend and I went out for coffee. He brought with him a bible, and we spent hours discussing this and that point as I learned my first few verses of scripture. He showed me that faith does not necessitate leaving your intelligence at the doorway, and he introduced me to the gospel through facts and logic. I left confused and mentally exhausted, but eager to hear more.

As the semester continued I found myself tagging along with my friend to a small faith-based discussion group, and then later I found myself working up the nerve to attend a meeting of his church. I found my anxiety unwarranted, as everyone I met that afternoon was as friendly and welcoming as he had been. More intrigued than ever, I kept attending.

After I graduated, I found all of my plans to move on and move away from home had dried up. Uncertain of what my future would hold, I remained in Florida to wander the strange new path that lay before me. I continued to attend church, learning about Christ and the gospel. Finally, one chilly night in February 2010, I was baptized by that same friend who first opened my mind to Christ in the coldest pool I think I've ever voluntarily entered while surrounded by members of my new church family.

C.S. Lewis may not have been the first to say it, but his repetition of the sentiment in Mere Christianity is appropriate. Sometimes, “the longest way round is the shortest way home.” I accepted Christ as my Lord just before my 24th birthday, having been pulled out of an adult life that was full of sin, proving it's never "too late" and we are never "too lost" to be reached by him. He had orchestrated nearly a lifetime of events to bring me to that freezing cold pool, and in that moment I finally found everything I had been seeking.

It's funny to look back, just two years later, and put it all into words. More amusingly, I'm typing this while sitting right next to that same friend that recommended Mere Christianity, who later baptized me, and who earlier this year became my husband! God’s plan for me has been full of surprises and blessings, and there is not a single day that passes that I don’t thank him for the journey.

That wraps it up for my testimony. Now that I've described my past, I'm looking forward to sharing with you the new things God is revealing to me every day! I'll leave you with a challenge; have you thought about your testimony recently? If not, I recommend spending some time this week considering the way that God brought you to where you are today.

Signposts

Last time I wrote, I promised that I would return with my testimony. It's about time I put it into words! My journey to Christ was long and winding, and as I look back and think about all of the steps that brought me to him, a few snippets stand out among the rest. I want to start by focusing on those memories.

First, it is important to give some early background to this story. My mother and younger sister are Catholic, and although I was baptized as an infant I never completed the other sacraments. I can vaguely remember attending Sunday School a few times in elementary school, but I have few other church memories from my younger years. My mother taught me the Lord's prayer until I could recite it from memory and I knew that we celebrated Christmas because it was the day Christ was born. At some point I felt that those meager understandings were sufficient, and I never asked for more.

When I was in my mid-teens, I remember someone telling me that a person can have "either intelligence or faith." It seemed a logical explanation -- an intelligent person can explain the workings of the universe using logic, and therefore faith is simply unnecessary. After that day, I never again put much thought into God.

That may be why, years later, I didn't realize it when God spoke to me. I was 20 years old and had just completed my sophomore year in college. I was living with my boyfriend and working as a graphic designer for a small company. At school I was enrolled in the Marketing program and I was considering a focus on Advertising. I thought I had my whole future figured out, if I could just set aside one nagging feeling. While I was making great grades, I felt a sense of longing. Something was wrong -- where was the challenge? Where was the drive? What was I doing with my life? Was this "it"?

I was lying on the sofa one evening, flipping channels on the TV when I turned to the Discovery channel. The special that was playing was about a pair of sisters from the UK who had the genetic disorder called harlequin ichthyosis, a painful condition where the skin grows too rapidly and must be treated with constant care. I was riveted -- these girls, despite having been dealt a tough hand, were persevering. They were real people in real pain, but with no help in sight.

I realized, in that moment, why my life felt so meaningless. Somewhere along the way, I had forgotten that this world is full of other people in need, people I could be helping! I had been raised in a household that praised my intelligence and constantly affirmed that I would be good at anything I put my mind to. Instead of helping others, I was expending all of my energy so that I could someday sell products I didn't care about to people I didn't know. After witnessing the lives of these girls, I knew that I could use those blessings in another way.  

The very next day I called my parents and, apologetically, told them that I was starting over at college. I dropped out of the Marketing program and enrolled in Biology, a decision that set me back a full year in my coursework. There was no logic, no rationale that could explain how I knew it would work out, but I knew. In a sense, God spoke through those two girls, and I finally heard the message without even knowing who sent it.

Today, I think that moment marks the beginning of a path that God carved out just for me. Next time, I'll clean up the ends and explain how those few, perhaps disjointed memories blossom into a lifelong love for Christ and the woman I am today.

How does your journey begin? When you look back, do you see memories that look like signposts? Do you recognize moments in your life where you were turned away from Christ, and do you recognize where he righted you on your path?

A testimony

The school year recently started again, and with it started a women's small group for graduate students at my university. As I've mentioned previously, I've been "hungering and thirsting" for the community of believers, and with some encouragement from my husband, I decided to go and see what it was about.

The small group I joined will be focused around the book Lady in Waiting by Kendall and Jones. In addition, the leaders of the group encouraged us to grow closer together into a network of accountability, encouragement and trust. As a way to encourage closeness, one of the leaders proposed that one person per week sharing their testimony with the group.

Testimony. She said the word, and my heart flopped. Testimony? What does that mean? I got goosebumps in a way that I haven't since I heard the word "baptism" rattle across a phone line nearly three years ago -- but more on that later!

So, what better way to introduce myself to you than through my testimony? I'll apologize now for the length of these posts -- yes, these, as I'm sure this will spill out to encompass many of my early writings. But I feel like getting through this will help me prepare for "my" week, when I will have to open my heart and give these girls my testimony.

A Christian's testimony is the story of how God has worked in their life. It is a personal account of their relationship with Christ. I've never really thought about my testimony, and despite my initial fear I'm excited to put it into words! Next time, I'll start at the real beginning and you can hear mine. In the meanwhile, I encourage you, if you haven't already, to make some notes about your own testimony and to share it with those around you!